My three furbabies looooove their catnip. I dip their toys in dried catnip. We have catnip bubbles. And I grow catnip for them to chew on. Last year I planted catnip beside the old spring house. Since that was not an option this year I decided to plant the catnip in a giant pot and keep it on the porch with some other plants. It must have grown two inches a day, at least. Next thing I knew the pot was full.
The other morning I went out to water my plants. I noticed my towering catnip looked different. On closer inspection I saw that something had taken several bites out of the plant. There were several areas where the leaves were completely chewed off, leaving nothing but the stem. I was shocked (this had never happened before), then amused.
We have several stray cats running around the neighborhood. The other morning one young fella startled me on my way out to the car. It was a very friendly cat. Came right up to me when I spoke to it. Was this my little catnip thief?
Since this happened I’ve been putting a piece of garden netting over the catnip at night to discourage the thief (or thieves). As soon as the plant bushes up real nice again I’ll split it up and plant some catnip out in front of the house. Hopefully the strays will chew on that and leave my potted catnip alone.
Time heals all wounds, the saying goes. I wonder if that is true. Not a day goes by I do not think of you. I play in my mind all things that I should have done or could have done to change the outcome. Pointless now, I know. There are no do-overs when it comes to life. Still I think about what I would say to you if I were given a second chance. That too is pointless. My chance to say those things came and when long before you, and I have no one to blame but myself. I am sorry for allowing myself to be angry for so long that I forgot how to forgive. I should have been more supportive and less judgmental. But It was easier to give up than fight. I am sorry I let you down.
There are days when I’m looking at your picture and I so badly want to hear your voice. I play your message on the answering machine to remind me. I am so afraid I will forget. We are doing our best to make sure your little ones never forget you. They love hearing stories about you when you were little and looking at your pictures. Having them around is the only thing that keeps me sane. I see something of you living in each of them.
When things get really bad I remind myself that this is just one life, and I will see you in another. Most days that seems too far away to bear. But I know how troubled you were here in this life. At least the pain is gone and you are at peace. I believe that will all my heart.
I miss you more than words can express.
*My daughter Susannah died two years ago today of a drug overdose. She was 31 years old and left behind 5 beautiful children. Sadly we weren’t very close in the months leading up to her death and that has made her loss all that more painful. Learn from my mistakes – love unconditionally and never forget to remind your children of how much you love them.